It’s amazing how my life has been reduced to a small table with all my junk on it. Thank God for giving slacking (and sulking) an expiration date! Now on my third week of enlightenment, I’ve never been excited to work harder and reach the finish line.
The future is bright. I could tell. Elsewhere.
If there’s any other place that could make me forget my problems aside from the mall, that would have to be the airport.
Some say it’s not the destination, but the journey. In my case, joy already starts when I step into any airport and wait for my flight. The experience is even much better when I travel alone.
Speaking of traveling, I got myself a Moleskine info book. It’s my first and I’m loving it. It’s pretty classic, I wouldn’t want to write on it. I’m just kidding. The variety I bought is actually for travelers. I bought the small one because I wasn’t sure if I’d be liking their line. But now, I think I will buy another one.
I just love the way another blogger describes the beauty that is Moleskine.
“Before the personal digital assistant, there was the notebook and the organizer. But there also emerged the moleskine, which was dubbed as the writing enthusiast’s journal. It’s sorta like the Macintosh of the journal universe.”
With all that said, what I need now is a plane ticket.
The runway maybe closing soon. Sometimes you just have to stop walking.
A year ago I started sharing my thoughts publicly. Entry after entry, I enjoyed making a chronicle of what it’s like to be me. Even if plenty of what I’ve written bordered on rage, hurt, and sadness, putting it “out there” somewhat gave me satisfaction — the kind of satisfaction I used to get from smoking a few years back when I was still in the habit (prior to having my teeth corrected with braces).
I may not have an idea if I’m read at all (or probably it’s just me checking my own site every so often that’s why I have such modest hits), but it felt nice blog after blog — from the moment my fingers hit the keys of my Apple up to when I edit my entry many times over. Even if I was writing something unpleasant, I felt good after writing.
For any writer, nothing beats the feeling of seeing your thoughts take form. That’s what I felt. My new form of release was healthy than smoking. No comparison there, actually.
The wonders of WordPress furthered my interest in keeping my online space. Actually, I got more into it with the incessant prodding of my friend who maintains his own blog for years now. Going to his site and reading his entries pushed me to make my own. He’s so good that once you read his blog, you want to make one of your own. Well, at least for me, that did it. He’s Moleksine while I’m Merit.
However, right now, I don’t find myself in what Randy Jackson of American Idol loves to say “in the zone” anymore. Funny that I’m writing this entry to say I may end my blog. It’s not that I’ve gone bored, but I feel I don’t belong out there anymore. I’m guessing no one would care if I put -30- here anytime soon.
Probably, I just need a break or a one-way ticket.
I just finished organizing my references and notes. It just makes it easier for me to think and write when I see all my stuff neatly stacked and labeled; and anytime this week, half of my baby is finished. I’m talking about my thesis. It took me a long time to get here, but I know now what I’m doing. So, that makes me happy doing it.
Since I’m taking advantage of teacher’s leave, I hardly go out except on days I have to go to Manila to visit the NGO I’m working with. Not much change when it comes to my sleeping pattern. I still sleep in the morning and work best at night. However, serious reading, whatever the time is, can exhaust anyone. So, I went out yesterday to eat, buy some stuff from the grocery, and get two back issues of visual stimulation.
I know they don’t have anything to do with WHAT I need to do; but that makes them perfect. Strangely, though, the creative stimulation I get from reading something seemingly frivolous as the magazines above helps me think clearly when I do serious work.
Another good thing is that reading these publications makes me want to skip dinner.
I’m just kidding.
That’s all.
Filed under: Challenges
The EXIT sign is blinking. Part of me wants it. Part of me doesn’t want it. Everything is still up in the air. But in case I’m lead to the door by default, I believe my time has come. Last year, it was my ideal haven. But things change and so do I.
I’ve been in the habit of making lists lately. It helps me keep organized, stay focused, and mindful of the time that I only have to finish every task. There is no better feeling than crossing out things you’ve accomplished in your list. As for me, be it doing chores or paying the bills, down to every reading that I need to do for the first half of my research, I make a list!
But yesterday, I’ve made a list of a different kind. Well, it’s not exactly a list. I’ve made a visual of things I want to achieve this year.
I was inspired by the dream book we were made to do by our instructor in DEVC 70 (Interpersonal Communication in Development) in 1998. Unlike some of my classmates who went as far as thinking of their future families and a whole lot of far-fetched dreams, I only listed four. Probably I wasn’t into believing the power of visualization at that time. So, I limited my dreams into what were actually achievable in the very near future.
A few years after I graduated and when I started teaching the same course, it came to me that three out of four of my “dreams” came true! As for the one that remains unfulfilled, I can still very much accomplish that if only I put my heart into it.
Now armed with ambition and faith in the power of creative visualization, I’ve made a poster of things I want to get this year. I’ve put it as wallpaper of my Apple and printed one for my planner to constantly remind me of what I need to get and force myself each day to work on those goals. Of course, I’ve also made the visual as sort of placing an order to the Universe to provide my heart’s desires this 2008.
Speaking of ordering, I’ve been particular with the details of my wishes this time. I had a blast making my poster as if I was about to get all my wishes with utmost certainty! Everybody should try it!
So from four goals in 1998, I’ve gone up to seven for 2008. I know some are seemingly silly, but I don’t mind. These are things that I want and I do hope I get a grand slam this time. Why? Because they’re not only for me, but for my family and the people who matter to me.
Filed under: Studies
The study is taking shape. I got an approval! Anytime soon, I’ll be aboard a plane that would take me to the place with three lakes and seven waterfalls. I’ll be mixing research with much needed pleasure!
Next week though, everything has got to be put on paper. I’m turning Saturday into Monday.
I have never been this excited!
FINALLY.
Finally, it all came down a few minutes ago. The idleness and procrastination failed to conceal what you truly feel. Every day, you try to be on top of things. You feel you’re in control and numbed of the pain.
Fierce is the word.
Strangely today, after an hour of napping, you never felt so afraid. Going back to the week that was, could there be other perfect timing? Just when you need to perform a miracle, somebody slams on however little drive and optimism you have.
Shortly after grappling with fear, you think quitting is the only way. But it’s not. You know very well you’re a tough act to follow; that what makes true style is substance. A lot of what you’ve experienced has prepared you for this moment. Everything you need you already have at your disposal.
But go ahead and cry. You need to let it all out.
Now, the potential to triumph is greater more than ever. Don’t you ever lose this chance.
You owe it people who sorely believe in you.
More importantly, you owe it to yourself.
POSTSCRIPT: Wini, thank you for heeding my SOS. The 30-minute talk ended my week-long of faking it. Niagara was on my face, but I felt so relieved!
I immediately saw a difference in the quality of pictures my brother has uploaded recently in his Multiply site.
My brother is a medical doctor based in Pittsburgh. Over the weekend, he joined his girlfriend Nuelle who’s attending a conference in Washington DC. So, he tagged along and enjoyed the place for the second time. I think they went there already last year.
Going back to the pictures, I asked him if he has a new camera. Yes, he does have one — a Nikon D40x. He also has two lenses. I’m not really educated when it comes to photography but just like everybody else, I love its end product.
Here are the test shots he has taken with his new toy.
I’m actually surprised he got into the hobby. We know him as someone who loves science over art after having studied genetics and medicine. But after seeing the photos, I saw an artist. I must say the photos are quite good.
I’m officially envious but proud.
The good thing about experiencing something bad is that you know very well that good experiences follow right after. Yes, it’s been tough these days; but I’m now done with outbursts and pains. The more you feel down and lost, the greater is your potential to turn things around and come back strong and fierce –- very much like when the fashion show director calls you backstage for your turn to walk down the runway and to grab everyone’s attention once you make your step.
So, I’m getting back on track and I intend to stay for a much longer period of time, if not for good.
Right now, I’m preoccupied with short-term goals and self-improvement. I embrace the success — and maybe someone better — awaiting me.
I can imagine someone saying, “And Harold, go!”
